I will admit it, I'm starting to panic.

The job I love may no longer exist by next year. I may be getting ahead of myself, but I am scared. I have spent the last four years working hard and trying to get myself up the ladder, and it looks like the ladder is about to be taken away.
I have been told by people higher up that they are going to work hard to make this not happen.. but I know cuts have to be made.
We will see.

Since I have been with John I have had no big slumps, much less stress, I have been able to say for the first time ever that I was truly happy.
Not to suggest that now I'm not... but the other night the slump that started hitting me just after Xmas took over. I felt awful. I had no energy and my stomach was churning. I felt so weak I hit the floor crying. I felt sad and scared and paranoid and panic'd... i'd not felt so bad for so long that scared me too which made it even worse! John just hugged me and talked to me. I eventually got up and went to bed.

The next day I felt better.... I had an interview and a few meetings which perked me up.... but am heading down again... ugh