Man cannot live by Snackajacks and Yoghurt alone
Well, I'm guessing he can't, cos I'm not doing too well by it. That's pretty much all I've eaten for two days... I'm not even sure why. I think in my mind I've convinced myself that I'll shift all this weight if I eat low fat shite and nothing else. Either that or I'm making myself pay for not doing much work this week. I'm getting pretty desperate and scared on the whole dissertation front - but hopefully tomorrow my tutor will be able to give me some good news, but it's unlikely. The thing is I'm really past careing now... I haven't even got enough panic and fear left in me to actually do this. I read my feedback from the last two semesters and there is hardly one word of encouragement.. it's all 'deeper thinking is needed' 'wider reading' 'not enough produced'... and all I can think of is the fact that I have really tried hard this year! I usually blag a great deal of stuff, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get away with that here so I tried, really really hard! For gods sake I didn't have a christmas because of it! (and other things were mouting up which didn't help). So last semester i tried less hard cos I wasn't getting anywhere with the try hard method, and I was just getting major stressed. So that didn't work either. And now not only is my poor puny undereducated brain suffering from all this shite I'm reading, but time is against me... hopefully tomorrow they will realise and take some of the blame for this, by pissing me around for the last 5 weeks!
There are only a couple of things getting me through this right now... the fact I've paid a lot of money to come here and do this (and I forgot about the 700 I have to pay tomorrow!!! I've been saving up for a computer, and that was pretty much as far as I'd got.. ahh well... but the sodding Uni wouldn't let me break my summer contract... ahh well again - long story), and my film. I am looking forward to it. Just not the feedback, because nothing I ever do will ever be good enough for this place. I'm used to not fitting in, but I'm not used to being forced into a system where I can't even be myself, and when I try to do that I am penalised. I was even 'told off' for using felt pens to write with... jesus! high school was the last time I was told that, and I ignored them then. I know what you're thinking, well why aren't you out of that phase? Because it's me. I like felt tips, I like colours... if I could print off my essays in colour I woudl do!
OK rant over for tonight... only becuase I know my computer will crash if I try to write much more....
night
BRON
x
Well, I'm guessing he can't, cos I'm not doing too well by it. That's pretty much all I've eaten for two days... I'm not even sure why. I think in my mind I've convinced myself that I'll shift all this weight if I eat low fat shite and nothing else. Either that or I'm making myself pay for not doing much work this week. I'm getting pretty desperate and scared on the whole dissertation front - but hopefully tomorrow my tutor will be able to give me some good news, but it's unlikely. The thing is I'm really past careing now... I haven't even got enough panic and fear left in me to actually do this. I read my feedback from the last two semesters and there is hardly one word of encouragement.. it's all 'deeper thinking is needed' 'wider reading' 'not enough produced'... and all I can think of is the fact that I have really tried hard this year! I usually blag a great deal of stuff, but I knew I wouldn't be able to get away with that here so I tried, really really hard! For gods sake I didn't have a christmas because of it! (and other things were mouting up which didn't help). So last semester i tried less hard cos I wasn't getting anywhere with the try hard method, and I was just getting major stressed. So that didn't work either. And now not only is my poor puny undereducated brain suffering from all this shite I'm reading, but time is against me... hopefully tomorrow they will realise and take some of the blame for this, by pissing me around for the last 5 weeks!
There are only a couple of things getting me through this right now... the fact I've paid a lot of money to come here and do this (and I forgot about the 700 I have to pay tomorrow!!! I've been saving up for a computer, and that was pretty much as far as I'd got.. ahh well... but the sodding Uni wouldn't let me break my summer contract... ahh well again - long story), and my film. I am looking forward to it. Just not the feedback, because nothing I ever do will ever be good enough for this place. I'm used to not fitting in, but I'm not used to being forced into a system where I can't even be myself, and when I try to do that I am penalised. I was even 'told off' for using felt pens to write with... jesus! high school was the last time I was told that, and I ignored them then. I know what you're thinking, well why aren't you out of that phase? Because it's me. I like felt tips, I like colours... if I could print off my essays in colour I woudl do!
OK rant over for tonight... only becuase I know my computer will crash if I try to write much more....
night
BRON
x
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