I JUST NEED A DECENT NIGHTS SLEEP :(
Last night I was up and down with lady problems... :(
Anyway.... as I was driving back from work today I was remember a conversation i had with john the other night, and it's one I'd touched on with my students a few weeks ago...
When I perform I get really nervous, like I feel sick. I enjoy being on stage when I'm on there, but as soon as I come off it's gone, nothing afterwards, and I can't remember what I felt while out there.
I was telling my students this... and they said. "So why do you do it?"
And I was stumped.
I don't know! I really don't know.
Maybe it's just a way of life or something.
John picked up on this conversation last night, asking if there was anything i wanted to do in life that thrilled me... he suggested jumping out of planes etc...
My response again to that was a massive NO! Again, this doesn't thrill me or excite me, it only terrifies me!
Even the one rollercoaster I went on was terrifying! No part of it was exciting.... there's nothing about the real possibility of dying that I find thrilling!
Me friend jer once asked if I liked Rollercoasters, asuming the answer would be 'yes'. But she was surprised. Her theory being that all performers are adrenaline junkies. I can totally see her point... but I can't stand adrenaline. If it filled my body with a buzzing excitement, then that would be great, as I'm sure it does for some/most people... but all I get is sick, sick and irritable.
I've conciously tried to change it recently... to see if I can get more out of my performing experiences... but then I end up just getting stressed because I forget to do things if I'm too relaxed....
If anything, the only times I can think I get a 'buzz' or a 'thrill' is from teaching, that moment when you know you've helped someone to understand something... i love it...
So.. yeah... why do I perform?
I don't know.
I just do.
Last night I was up and down with lady problems... :(
Anyway.... as I was driving back from work today I was remember a conversation i had with john the other night, and it's one I'd touched on with my students a few weeks ago...
When I perform I get really nervous, like I feel sick. I enjoy being on stage when I'm on there, but as soon as I come off it's gone, nothing afterwards, and I can't remember what I felt while out there.
I was telling my students this... and they said. "So why do you do it?"
And I was stumped.
I don't know! I really don't know.
Maybe it's just a way of life or something.
John picked up on this conversation last night, asking if there was anything i wanted to do in life that thrilled me... he suggested jumping out of planes etc...
My response again to that was a massive NO! Again, this doesn't thrill me or excite me, it only terrifies me!
Even the one rollercoaster I went on was terrifying! No part of it was exciting.... there's nothing about the real possibility of dying that I find thrilling!
Me friend jer once asked if I liked Rollercoasters, asuming the answer would be 'yes'. But she was surprised. Her theory being that all performers are adrenaline junkies. I can totally see her point... but I can't stand adrenaline. If it filled my body with a buzzing excitement, then that would be great, as I'm sure it does for some/most people... but all I get is sick, sick and irritable.
I've conciously tried to change it recently... to see if I can get more out of my performing experiences... but then I end up just getting stressed because I forget to do things if I'm too relaxed....
If anything, the only times I can think I get a 'buzz' or a 'thrill' is from teaching, that moment when you know you've helped someone to understand something... i love it...
So.. yeah... why do I perform?
I don't know.
I just do.
6 Comments:
At November 28, 2007 3:15 am,
Jerilyn Dufresne, author said…
I remember that conversation. That's saying a lot at my age. Jer
At November 28, 2007 2:08 pm,
decade5 said…
The exact same thing happened at work last week! People were talking about rollercoasters and everyone assumed I loved them.
I don't! I hate them and I remember the day I realized that I never had to go on them again - no one can peer-pressure me into doing it. Hah!
We are so much alike.
At November 28, 2007 2:15 pm,
decade5 said…
Oh, and I love performing for the camaraderie with my troop-mates afterwards. Improv is one of those things only extra-ordinary people do. Note, I didn't say "can do" - I mean that it takes a certain type of person to put aside watching TV to go to rehearsals and shows and get up there and do it. It's extraordinary to dye your hair purple. It's extraordinary to fly to another country and trust people enough to stay with them.
I think you do it because it's just one more extraordinary thing to do and you're good at it and you enjoy it so much - even if just on a quiet level of contentedness and not some screaming adrenaline-fest - that you inspire other people to step out of ordinary-ness and try it.
You make interesting stuff like filming skits and photographing everything seem fun and totally worth the trouble of carrying a camera around all the time.
That's just my theory.
At November 28, 2007 2:25 pm,
Jenn Hoff said…
I am less of an adrenaline junkie and more of an attention whore, that's why I perform. Purely for the attention. But I still get nervous every single time, and I've been doing it for years now.
At November 28, 2007 3:08 pm,
Bron said…
yeah - it's taken me many years to admit I do like attention...
on my own terms though! ;)
I love the JILL and the JER and the JENN...
lol
3J's
At November 29, 2007 1:36 pm,
Jerilyn Dufresne, author said…
Love you too.
I remember how much fun the national championships are because attention whores getting together is a riot. The first time I thought, "These people are just like me. No one is judging me because I like to be the center of attention."
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