not blogged for a while... sorry about that
Got back from the States a week today. Been a bit of a mess since then. I turn 30 a week today. It's hitting me quite hard. There's so much left that I want to do, and I feel really stuck in a rutt. For the first time in my life I think I'm going to make some goals.
This is something I've never done before - mostly because I was always scared of not acheiveing them.
I got such a fantastic creative vibe from Second City in Chicago... i would love to be in the position where I could go and study there for a few months. It's a bit harder for me than all the usual bods who pack up their lives and move to Chi town to persue 'the dream', because I wouldn't be able to work there, so would need to make enough money to pay for my tuition, accomodation and general food and the like for the 90 days I would be allowed to stay in the US. And at the moment, I can barely scrape by in this country, what with work giving me less hours and less CSz bookings, not to mention the 14 people who confirmed their spaces on the courses this weekend and DIDN'T SHOW!
I have basically enough money to pay everyone else, and none for me.
I am gutted.
Am very down at the moment.
I just want someone to look after me for a bit and let me know everything's going to be alright. I need to know there's more than this for me. I don't want to be stuck here forever.
Got back from the States a week today. Been a bit of a mess since then. I turn 30 a week today. It's hitting me quite hard. There's so much left that I want to do, and I feel really stuck in a rutt. For the first time in my life I think I'm going to make some goals.
This is something I've never done before - mostly because I was always scared of not acheiveing them.
I got such a fantastic creative vibe from Second City in Chicago... i would love to be in the position where I could go and study there for a few months. It's a bit harder for me than all the usual bods who pack up their lives and move to Chi town to persue 'the dream', because I wouldn't be able to work there, so would need to make enough money to pay for my tuition, accomodation and general food and the like for the 90 days I would be allowed to stay in the US. And at the moment, I can barely scrape by in this country, what with work giving me less hours and less CSz bookings, not to mention the 14 people who confirmed their spaces on the courses this weekend and DIDN'T SHOW!
I have basically enough money to pay everyone else, and none for me.
I am gutted.
Am very down at the moment.
I just want someone to look after me for a bit and let me know everything's going to be alright. I need to know there's more than this for me. I don't want to be stuck here forever.
4 Comments:
At April 21, 2009 2:11 am,
decade5 said…
I remember feeling like this right before my 30th birthday. I remember looking at my life intensely and figuring out what parts I was happy with and what parts I wanted to change.
Your 30's are where you still feel 20, but people take you more seriously, in a good way.
Can you describe exactly what it is about being 30 that's bothering you? I will be glad to talk about this anytime and as much as you want to - because I had people like Miss Pam and TheTim to talk me through the rough parts.
I love you, you still look twelve, and you're going to be fine! I promise!
xoxoxoxoxo
At April 21, 2009 7:29 pm,
????? said…
I think our first 30 years are where we figure out what we actually want to do with our lives. The next 30 are the ones we actually do it in. Ultimately life is what we make it and there are always ways of making things financially possible - it just becomes about what you're willing to sacrifice and go without. I think the hardest thing is always figuring out what you actually really want to do - I do anyway - making decisions about anything sucks!
At April 21, 2009 7:30 pm,
????? said…
That was Rach by the way - I don't know why I'm suddenly ?????
At May 22, 2009 6:43 pm,
Jenn said…
Aww, I hope you're feeling better. Now that I have the internet again, I can check up on folks.
30 was hard for me. REALLY hard. I kinda flipped out, wasn't happy with where I was, etc. But I got thru it, and 40 has been awesome.
Hope all is well!
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