My blog is pants...

Random stuff from the Bronster... especially good to read if you happen to like me.

Friday, September 03, 2004

so... life then eh? What's that all about?
I woke up at 8 this morning.. fed one of my cats (dont know where the other one was) and then realised I had no real reason for getting up. The only things I needed to do today were get ready for a job interview, phone dentists (easier said than done, i just cant' make myself do it), and ... i think that's it...
I mean I can always invent things to do, i'm good at that, but today just felt rather depressing.
I dont like not having a plan of action. It's like I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen... and that's all I can do. I am nervous about CSz this weekend, it feels very make or break this time. The newspapers didn't do half of the stuff I was expecting (or that they hinted they would do) one of them didn't put ANYTHING about the shows in... so I really dont know how it's going to go. Coupled with only a one hour set up time and no practice this week.. it's all very scary.
I hope I get this job. but I also hope I dont ... my confidence is in a huge dip at present (it barely gets its head above the surface anyway) so eveything's stressing me out and I'm questioning it all.
I should tidy up. That may make me more motivated... but I can't see me calling the dentist today. Even though the last couple of weeks have been agony.
I just went downstairs to take pictures of my awards to show my parents.. it just makes me think 'past glories'.. and not even anything that big to shout about.
I think I need to break out and do something properly... something that means something. I think that's what my life lacks right now, a bit of meaning.
I'm trying really hard to be single right now - and those of you out there who knows me best know that I dont tend to stay that way for too long... but I think I really need to be, I need to find out who I am and what I should be doing...
I suppose I just think there's more I can do than sitting in Chorley, slowly melting away, while everyone else are doing things...
i dunno
life eh?
BRON
x

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