I want to make it publicly known right here and now - I AM A NICE PERSON!
OK, I may say some things maybe I shouldn't but that's only cos half the time I either don't mean them or don't think they should hurt people. I would never purposely do anything to hurt anyone. And I dont understand people who do.. I also dont understand people who enjoy not liking others.... at present there are probably about two people in the world I really dont get on with... but even then I am civil. I avoid conflict at all costs - I mean, what's the point of needless arguing? And what's the point of needless bitching? When I 'bitch' it's usually to sort through a problem I have, and then by the end am usually in a different frame of mind. I also like to think I am very aware of other peoples feelings and thoughts.
Even as a child I avoided the 'groups' of friends the 'who likes so and so and who doesnt' groups, and was usually on the end of abuse myself for being like that, but I battled through, because I really didn't see the point in it all. We all have to live on this earth, why make it any harder than it already is?
Since leaving high school I found my way and made friends who actually liked me for me.
So why now, ten years on, am I facing the same crap that I encountered at school? Maybe I am more outspoken once again, maybe I deserve it? But I dont think I do. I do everything I can to accomodate people. In my 'line of work' (I use 's as I dont get paid for the majority of it) it is all about people, and giving people (mainly children) a chance to try new things. To do that you must create a calm, comfortable and trusting environment. I have done this sucessfully for nearly 8 years, why now am I doubting my ability? Have I suddenly changed to begin getting challenged in these ways again?
I really care about 'my kids', in the multiple places I go to. I care about my pets, I care about my parents, I care about my friends and my boyfriend, I care about my sister, I care that people are sad and lonely and miserable in the world, I care that I can't always be there when someone needs me (this is when I usually seem the most selfish, as it is when i withdraw as I'm too annoyed with myself for not being able to help enough), I care about everyone... but maybe not enough about myself. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. Maybe if I cared more about myself I wouldn't be in these situations i get myself in... maybe if I acted for myself and not for everyone else I could stop and think for a second before putting my foot in my mouth every time.
Who knows
Anyway... presesntly, I'm the most miserable I've been in a very long time now (check back on this blog!) and I'm about to get on a plane in a matter of hours! So I am not in the best frame of mind I will admit. I am tired, scared and on the verge of tears, although I dont really know why, I have not finished my packing as my cat just vomited in my suitcase... maybe that's what made me write this post?
Again, who knows.
All I know is I hate flying, and at times I hate how people are.
I am not looking forward to my holiday as I wanted to... it has been 12 months since my last one....
Goodbye for now - I will check in when I get to the other end, and I will hopefully be more cheery then :D
I AM A NICE PERSON GODDAMNIT!
BRON
x
OK, I may say some things maybe I shouldn't but that's only cos half the time I either don't mean them or don't think they should hurt people. I would never purposely do anything to hurt anyone. And I dont understand people who do.. I also dont understand people who enjoy not liking others.... at present there are probably about two people in the world I really dont get on with... but even then I am civil. I avoid conflict at all costs - I mean, what's the point of needless arguing? And what's the point of needless bitching? When I 'bitch' it's usually to sort through a problem I have, and then by the end am usually in a different frame of mind. I also like to think I am very aware of other peoples feelings and thoughts.
Even as a child I avoided the 'groups' of friends the 'who likes so and so and who doesnt' groups, and was usually on the end of abuse myself for being like that, but I battled through, because I really didn't see the point in it all. We all have to live on this earth, why make it any harder than it already is?
Since leaving high school I found my way and made friends who actually liked me for me.
So why now, ten years on, am I facing the same crap that I encountered at school? Maybe I am more outspoken once again, maybe I deserve it? But I dont think I do. I do everything I can to accomodate people. In my 'line of work' (I use 's as I dont get paid for the majority of it) it is all about people, and giving people (mainly children) a chance to try new things. To do that you must create a calm, comfortable and trusting environment. I have done this sucessfully for nearly 8 years, why now am I doubting my ability? Have I suddenly changed to begin getting challenged in these ways again?
I really care about 'my kids', in the multiple places I go to. I care about my pets, I care about my parents, I care about my friends and my boyfriend, I care about my sister, I care that people are sad and lonely and miserable in the world, I care that I can't always be there when someone needs me (this is when I usually seem the most selfish, as it is when i withdraw as I'm too annoyed with myself for not being able to help enough), I care about everyone... but maybe not enough about myself. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong. Maybe if I cared more about myself I wouldn't be in these situations i get myself in... maybe if I acted for myself and not for everyone else I could stop and think for a second before putting my foot in my mouth every time.
Who knows
Anyway... presesntly, I'm the most miserable I've been in a very long time now (check back on this blog!) and I'm about to get on a plane in a matter of hours! So I am not in the best frame of mind I will admit. I am tired, scared and on the verge of tears, although I dont really know why, I have not finished my packing as my cat just vomited in my suitcase... maybe that's what made me write this post?
Again, who knows.
All I know is I hate flying, and at times I hate how people are.
I am not looking forward to my holiday as I wanted to... it has been 12 months since my last one....
Goodbye for now - I will check in when I get to the other end, and I will hopefully be more cheery then :D
I AM A NICE PERSON GODDAMNIT!
BRON
x
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