nothing seems to be able to pick me up at the moment, I'm just miserable.. I had a good day today, and some nice chats with friends... but i still spent most of the night motionless, and therefore the flat still needs tidying for my party.
I've not even thought about costume.
It's actually stressing me out.
I may not go to my own party (of course I will... but I just feel cack)

not blogged for a while... sorry about that

Got back from the States a week today. Been a bit of a mess since then. I turn 30 a week today. It's hitting me quite hard. There's so much left that I want to do, and I feel really stuck in a rutt. For the first time in my life I think I'm going to make some goals.
This is something I've never done before - mostly because I was always scared of not acheiveing them.
I got such a fantastic creative vibe from Second City in Chicago... i would love to be in the position where I could go and study there for a few months. It's a bit harder for me than all the usual bods who pack up their lives and move to Chi town to persue 'the dream', because I wouldn't be able to work there, so would need to make enough money to pay for my tuition, accomodation and general food and the like for the 90 days I would be allowed to stay in the US. And at the moment, I can barely scrape by in this country, what with work giving me less hours and less CSz bookings, not to mention the 14 people who confirmed their spaces on the courses this weekend and DIDN'T SHOW!
I have basically enough money to pay everyone else, and none for me.
I am gutted.
Am very down at the moment.
I just want someone to look after me for a bit and let me know everything's going to be alright. I need to know there's more than this for me. I don't want to be stuck here forever.