My blog is pants...

Random stuff from the Bronster... especially good to read if you happen to like me.

Friday, November 19, 2004

I just got a job interview! All that moaning paid off

I can't believe how long this bloody slump is going on for! I could really make something of myself at the moment and what do I do? Sit around and put it off.. maybe I'm afraid of failure, i dunno.. I think I just dont like the idea of selling my own idea - what if it's shit? I can just see it all going wrong.
I can't even phone the dentist back
i can't stop knitting... that's all I want to do right now - cos I know what I'm doing, and at the same time I'm making something! Almost without thinking. I always need to be doing something... I can't just sit.... so in a way knitting it preventing me from doing other things... but it's the easier option
I just can't put my brain in gear and haven't been able to for weeks/months... i forget so much stuff now and it's not for any reason other than I can't make my brain remember... like there's a self discipline switch, I just can't get it to stay on... sod that. I've forgotten where the switch is!

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Hi ... well can't sleep as per...
Rather unproductive again. Getting very annoyed with myself right now, and the scary green eye picture seems to have scared people off.
I'm a bit worried tonight... about a month or two ago I noticed a lump on my wrist, more like I felt alittle lump... it may be my imagination (or the fact I keep messing with it) but it's grown and is sore, you can actually see it sticking out the side ofmy wrist now... i know I should get it looked at but I'm scared as usual. Firstly cos of the fact that I missed my last doctors apt, I actually forgot, but my doctor will be mad cos I didn't take the pills she perscribed last time I went when I promised I would. Secondly cos I dread to think what the solution to this lump would be.
Really have to make myself get on with some work tomorrow.. am getting up early and I AM getting up !!! I AM I AM I AM! I can't believe how much time I've spent in bed recently.. it's such a waste and I'm always mad with myself when I finally get up...
I also really need to start planning for Xmas... I have a stock pile of knitted goods now - it's just a case of matching them to the correct person ;)

OK.. am going to attempt sleep - failing that I will knit

Monday, November 15, 2004

Well Awards were OK - nothing too exciting... got my Best Director and Best play awards back again.. but got to accept them this time, which was cool - I wasn't at the awards where I wont them...
anyway... I had an odd day today - Ijust coudlnt' get out of bed - this is SO unlike me!! I am blaming teeth and lack of food... I got up at 2pm!
ComedySportz went well... anyway... enough...

Here's my in my dress and contacts:

Saturday, November 13, 2004

I'm so mad with myself for the last couple of days... I went to visit Welchie and with the best intentions came back and wanted to get down to some work. I've just not... i can't hardly eat anything... it hurts too much. I can't eat anything I have to chew for Heat, Cold and Texture reasons.. and I am fed up to the back teeth (literally) with soup! I tried a curry last night, but half way through had to give up as the rice had managed to infiltrate my temporary filling! Ugh.
Anyway, tonight will be interesting - because of my poor diet over the last few weeks my stomach is a mess and I am so tired, my skin is apauling and obviously my jaw still aches... and it's an Awards do... so I dont really want to go :(
I couldnt afford a new dress so instead I bought myself some Green Contact lenses to try and add some difference to what I would be wearing..they are interesting and look rather fake, which is a bit poop. I dunno if I'll wear them now..
Anyway, have Youth Theatre today so am going to get dressed...

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

welcome to one of the worst experiences of my life...

I got there early and sat, waiting. I was called trhough and mentioned that I was nervous and that I'd appreciate being told what's going on. He obliged by letting meknow he was going to possibly do a root canal!! Which I wasn't aware of. First injection... I closed my eyes and sang 'lalalala' in my head to get through that one... the pain wasn't too bad but I hate being numb. He waited a bit and then started drilling - I was told it would't hurt as the nerve was dead in that tooth... it HURT! A loT! So I shouted to stop... he decided to inject me again, by this time I was really shaking... but I closed my eyes and didn't feel that injection so I managed to clam myselff down a little.... then he started drilling again and it REALLY HURT AGAIN... by this time I was really crying and shaking and just jumping every time he came near me... i was terified.
At least I wasn't the one who quit on this... the dentist decided that it was best to stop, fill what he'd just created and refer me to somewhere that would sedate me...
So another 3 weeks of pain... more pain from this awful haphazzrd filling he wedged in...
i am so numb, even my ear is numb.. i am just starting to get some feeling back in my tounge and it turns out I've been biting it... rargh!

I'm not a happy bunny... grrr

I looked worse today than I did in Shaun of the Dead!

Monday, November 08, 2004

I actually blogged a couple of days ago but it didn't show up! What an arse... well I'm not re-writing it you can go jump!
Just got back from watching Bridget Jones 2... only went to see Welchies name in the credits but actually enjoyed the film - only laughed out loud twice and wanted to re-edit the fight scene to make it funnier... ;) I wanted to cry all the way through though - not a good movie to see with your ex... makes you really think about your love life! Arse again. I suppose I'm always looking for that special spark! You know, in the words of the beautiful south 'i want my sun drenched wind swept Ingrid Burhgman kiss'... I want that a lot... i want to live in a film I think, where I am the director and scriptwriter and casting director... where music swells and everything is all happy in the end.
I have so much work to do ! I just can't get into it.. it's all in my head it's just hard to get it onto paper - and it's annoying cos I really do want to get it done! I wanted to start it now but I'm getting sleeeeepy... so I will not get it done... i have to send some stuff to two schools that have booked me for CSz workshops so I NEED to do that asap before they change their minds - but even that's not shoving me in the right direction...
Welchie has invited me darnn sarff this week to watch her lovely play, so I'm hoping I can tie that in with a workshop in Oxford... we'll see.
Dentist on tuesday... absolutely terrified.... true to form I chickened out of phoning them to ask what to instead I am going to think the worst then I am prepared... I am going on my own to get them done :-/


Wednesday, November 03, 2004

America is f****d