Am feeling very self reflective at the moment... really missing easier times...
john was talking today about how he doesn't want to get old and lose his youth... which I completely understand, but you HAVE to get old, HAVE to look after yourself, take responsibility...
I am very happy, at the base of everything, very happy... but as i look into my future I just don't know why I'm here. I feel like I'm in some sort of limbo. I have about 5 jobs (which I enjoy by the way) and no stable income. I have not yet had to rely on savings to get me through a month since becoming self employed... but this year I think i will have to.
My main income job may not be there next year.
I am getting scared and stressed.
I am putting that down as why I can't sleep well... and haven't really since Xmas.
At least my eye stopped twitching! ;)

So, yeah, I'm a bit lost and sad at the moment...

Went swimming again (first time in two weeks due to work and the like) today... still loving it. i start 9am starts at work next Thursday for 10 weeks!! So I am trying to organise myself to get up early to go swimming before 9am probably a different day of the week from next week.
This week I've put on 1lb - but then again I thought it would be more as I've been eating a lot of crap.
John has lost two! He's put it down to stress :-/

Had a weird day today... a student told me that another student had said that they were pleased the workshop was about to end so that he wouldn't have to talk to me anymore! Hmm. Nice. Aparantly the student who said that to me had said that I was 'awesome' and he rebounded... when I got home I had an email from Jillo saying I was also 'awesome'. Which was lovely :D
Having a weird time at the moment, not 100% happy, and not even really sure why.
Csz on sat, been going great at the Store recently... this week is in Sale... the last show we did there they didn't promote it, and we had 3 people!

meh

Our group of flats are home to 3 single older ladies, two professional couples (yes, we are one of those!) and one single man.

When I came home this afternoon there were two police constables looking through the windows in the flat below us, where one of the older ladies lives. I've probably only seen her face about 5 times the year and a half we've lived here.
When I got up to our flat I asked John what was going on, and he didn't know.
It then dawned on me that we'd not heard her mega loud tv for a good few days, and her milk had been sat on the step for about 3 days too.
We told the Police that when the rang our bell to see if they could get any information about the lady... we didn't have any. Only that she sometimes had a nurse who seemed to come and see her once every few weeks.
They then left.
There are no lights on in the flat below us, and there is no noise.
We are pretty sure she has died.
Which is both very sad, and really creepy!

I am assuming more police may turn up tomorrow.

She doesn't seem to have any family or anyone who would come and visit.

This is one of the things that teriffies me about my chosen way of life. I am nearly 30 and I still have absolutely no plans to have children. The only reason I've ever contemplated it at all is because I am terrified of dying alone, forgotten, because everyone's already died, and you have no kids who visit and check in on you.
I don't want that.
But I don't want to have kids only for that reason.
It really scares me.

didn't get to go swimming this morning, had to drive my car in for its MOT... but I've still managed to lose another lb this week...
am on my bike tomorrow, and saturday, so that can't hurt too.

Am very stressed at the moment, to the point of my breathing getting bad again :(
Bah,