soooooooo tired...
had my first workshop in a special needs school today... i didn't sleep a wink, i was so nervous. For those of you who know me, you'll know i have an amazing ability to put my foot in it easily in awkward situations...
however
the day was wonderful! The kids were so fun, and made very good animals.. purely because they were so into it!
Any way... what else have I been up to this week.. well on Monday I took ste to London for his birthday :) It was a loooooong day but a fun packed one. Once in London I got a text from Welchie to say that the Spaced (and Shaun of the Dead) gang were going to be at Forbidden Planet... when we got there however they had left... we had to make do with staring at Christopher Lee for a bit. He looked dead... and as a pal put it.. he looked dead - inside.
We went to watch Jerry Springer the Opera, which I had seen when it was at the National in London... it hadn't change dmuch but it was intersting to watch it close up as I was so far away last time. I loved it again... i just wish it was more full for them... some of the performances looked a bit shakey... maybe cos it was a Monday night ? I dunno... ste enjoyed it too.
Yesterday... hmm what did I do... mostly frett about today really. Went to Makro and bought some more stuff for CSz on Sunday... am getting scared they aren't going to give us any more dates... I will have to come up with a deal
BRON
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just as another note.... just spent the last 20 minutes reading what I was up to this time last year... maybe it's the season... but I seemed to be feeling shit then too... hmmm...
makes an interesting read
BRON
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So.. it's a saturday night... what's a Bron to do?
Stay in and knit of course!
I'm not complaining or anything, cos I like knitting, and it was nice for my ex to pop round for a lovely evening watching me knit (and eating his birthday cake - 30 on monday... old git), but it just made me think of how much stuff I just dont do!
I hate going out at the weekend cos everywhere's so busy, and there are rarely films on that I really want to pay an arm and a leg to watch, so I tend to just not do anything... unless there's something going on at the theatre, but that's getting rarer (ugh.. to be honest that's not a place I want to be in anymore, not to try and relax and have fun anyway...).
Tomorrow is going to be filled with excitement as me and keya go into Preston for a jolly outing...
My days just seem really empty, and I KNOW i have things I can be doing to fill them but I can't motivate myself still. I've still not been able to turn my ringer back on my mobile since the whole incident a couple of weeks ago... the ringer makes me jump out of my skin... STILL!
Last night didnt help matters after recieving an abusive phone call from a lady from the theatre! The thing is none of it was my fault.. i was NO WAY in the wrong... but I still felt like shite and it ruined my evening... i dont understand where people get off from being horrible to others! Honestly...!! I don't get it!
Anyhoo.. gonna try and find something constructive to for a couple of hours... i am not tired, been going to bed at like 2, 3am... tut...
I feel lonely at the moment :(
BRON
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it's BACK!!!

Sunset Beach is back!!!

BRON
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it's COLD! What's the deal!
No sooner did it hit summer it's now winter... annoying.
However the cold weather did make me think 'i know, I'll start knitting again!'... so that's what I've been doing. Scoured charity shops for wool and new needles yesterday... have knitted nearly half a poncho... we'll see how it goes.
still have not called the dentist.. I just can't... and at the moment I'm supposed to avoid stress.. so I'm avoiding... big time.
CSz on sun felt awful. I nearly didn't play anyway.. and I wish I hadn't... did the opposite of what I wanted it to do for me. I have to play next week to warm up for Dublin, but I certainly will not be captaining.
I got a lovely email from Dave who played on the opposing team at the match we played at tourney.... gonna quote some of it cos it boosted me a bit..

I watched the show by myself on tv the other night and
there were moments that made me positively giddy.
When you came in as the "mother" character, I clapped
out loud, both during the show and in my apartment.
My parents, sister, and friends/rommates were there
and they all came up to me at different points and
said how funny you were. They all said that
was the best CSZ show they've seen (and they've seen a
good number).

How cool is that? While I'm trying to boost my ego a bit I also got this from the lovely Brian

you're very talented bron. You have no idea, how determined you are, how brave and talented and driven you are. Many are not.

So why dont people in this country say nice things... I really should move back to the states..
BRON
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dragged myself out of bed for a spot of work today, in a primary school.
Some of the kids were great, some terrors... as per... one 8 year old girl spent eh lunch time doing DAvid Brent impressions which was bizarre.
A lovely little girl came up to me at break time after I'd taught her group the scene and said to me 'Are you stressed?' .. if only she knew... 'my mummy gets stressed, you looked stressed'.. i told her I was a little bit stressed but I was OK really.
Another told me that I had nice hair, and that it looked like her aunties... bless them
I have since dyed my hair... it's now purple... hehe
BRON
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Off to London in a matter of hours... just need to get away and the lovely welchie is providing me with a lift to London to stay with her and her piece of cheese for the weekend.
Yay.
Am geting up early to try and think of all the stuff I need to take with me :-/ I will no doubt forget something vitally important that needed to be done... as is the way.
Sent stuff to the papers on Friday though for this weekend so that should be it for the week.
Considering all I've donr pretty much the last week is sit in doors I am exhausted. I think being nervous a lot of the time takes it out of you... bizarre that.
Anyhoo.. sleeeeeeeep
BRON
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Recieved three cheques today.. one from a Quorn promotion for £1.90 (we're in the money.... we're in the money...) and two from the company I work for in London. ONly my name was spelt wrong on both! Grr. Curse me for having a complicated name! So I can't cash those. But £1.90 eh? Excellant.
It's actually Ok in a way cos I've not set up my business account yet, (as all my other jobs have paid below the amount I need to registar for tax)... but this whole 'In Biz' thing is screwed up ... i am months behind everything for my business training and all that... gah
Anyway.. am relaxing today by not going to YT (Doctors orders) but I am going to film something for the next Richard and Judy comp.
BRON
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I am coming to the conclusion that everything I have ever done has not been real. Nothing that I do is real. And I am fake.

Everything I seem to do is for show and someone else... I need to start from scratch

BRON
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couldn't get an appointment at the doctors... even when i TRY to help myself it doesn't work..
everything's just making me sad...
but I'm avoidance-tactic-ing today...
here is my mum's blog http://stagemanagersbackstagenotes.blogspot.com/ if you know her and want to find out how her play isgoing etc :)
BRON
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I spent pretty much all of today sat here, typing.
TOnight, well, at about 1.30am I quit my acting teacher job.
My boss suddenly decided to tell me all the problems she had with me in one foul swoop, rather than when they occurred, and I know in my heart and head that I will never feel comfortable working for her again.
I am dreading tomorrow because she will call me, and I will have to talk to her and probably explain myself. The thing is, she takes everything to heart (as do i, I can totalyl see where she's coming from on most things) and she will no doubt spin this around so that it hurts HER as well. But then, she'd already pretty much advertised my job without telling me this week anyway. So it shouldn't take too long to find someone more suitable. Less 'unproffesional' and someone who doesn't 'talk back'... for those of you who know me, i do NOT talk back, certainly not to someone who is my boss, and I am not unprofessional.. my life is as professional as it gets... I run two companies myself! I made the simple mistake of feeling comfortable at work and with my coleagues, rest assured I will not let that happen again.

Iam going to miss one or two of the kids.. there is some real potential in that place.. I only hope they get nurtured how they shoudl be.

My hair, eyes and lips have suffered big time today... my scalp is a mess, my eyes are so swollen I can hardly open them and my lips have deteriorated (although some of that may be from all the sweating from last nights match!!)

Oh yes, last night... it went very well. A small audience for us, but a good show. I will write more about it when I crawl out of this slump again

BRON
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it is official


the world hates me

so... life then eh? What's that all about?
I woke up at 8 this morning.. fed one of my cats (dont know where the other one was) and then realised I had no real reason for getting up. The only things I needed to do today were get ready for a job interview, phone dentists (easier said than done, i just cant' make myself do it), and ... i think that's it...
I mean I can always invent things to do, i'm good at that, but today just felt rather depressing.
I dont like not having a plan of action. It's like I'm sitting here waiting for something to happen... and that's all I can do. I am nervous about CSz this weekend, it feels very make or break this time. The newspapers didn't do half of the stuff I was expecting (or that they hinted they would do) one of them didn't put ANYTHING about the shows in... so I really dont know how it's going to go. Coupled with only a one hour set up time and no practice this week.. it's all very scary.
I hope I get this job. but I also hope I dont ... my confidence is in a huge dip at present (it barely gets its head above the surface anyway) so eveything's stressing me out and I'm questioning it all.
I should tidy up. That may make me more motivated... but I can't see me calling the dentist today. Even though the last couple of weeks have been agony.
I just went downstairs to take pictures of my awards to show my parents.. it just makes me think 'past glories'.. and not even anything that big to shout about.
I think I need to break out and do something properly... something that means something. I think that's what my life lacks right now, a bit of meaning.
I'm trying really hard to be single right now - and those of you out there who knows me best know that I dont tend to stay that way for too long... but I think I really need to be, I need to find out who I am and what I should be doing...
I suppose I just think there's more I can do than sitting in Chorley, slowly melting away, while everyone else are doing things...
i dunno
life eh?
BRON
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Wales!
Had a nice two days in Wales.. took ste to conwy, anglesea and llandudno. Stayed in a lovely guest house... and now we're back and I'm tired.
On the way there we were delayed because of approximately 15 cones in the road! FOR 20 MINUTES! Ridiculous.
Wednesday was lovely, really sunny, odd for Wales, thursday however was true to form with clouds and the like...
am too tired to write much really... got a job interview tomorrow, as does keya... we'll see
BRON
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