Interesting couple of days... mad busy!

We found out that the fire is avaiable for usage as a REAL fire... lol, so we set it going last night... it was really nice... til the wood kept going out, so John went back out to get some coal - it all worked a lot better from then on.

I had Hot Chocolate by the fire.... and then a chocolate bar... I've not eaten a chocolate bar (a full one) for probably a year... so that was interesting...

Not that I should start eating loads of them! I'm still at least two stone over weight!

So yesterday I went to a school in Blackpool to do a half day workshop... was good fun. Best one we've done there (we've been a few times before) so that was good.

Chris and Tom cut their teeth in the workshop area too, so that's good... more people in the 'throng'.

Wore me out though to be honest... THEN I went pretty much straight to a nightclub where I was to film for 5 hours! I was shattered, and a nightclub is not my favourite place.

So there we have it.

Today I am tired and sore... and I need a bath...

Jill took a test and these were her results.... they were so close to ME I didn't think there was any point taking the test - I just copied and pasted the results ;)

"I am unique"
Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

• 
  How to Get Along with Me
  Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
  Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
  Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
  Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
  Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!
• 
  What I Like About Being a FOUR
  my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
  my ability to establish warm connections with people
  admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
  my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
  being unique and being seen as unique by others
  having aesthetic sensibilities
  being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me
• 
  What's Hard About Being a FOUR
  experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
  feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
  feeling guilty when I disappoint people
  feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
  expecting too much from myself and life
  fearing being abandoned
  obsessing over resentments
  longing for what I don't have
• 
  FOURs as Children Often
  have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
  are very sensitive
  feel that they don't fit in
  believe they are missing something that other people have
  attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
  become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
  feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)
• 
  FOURs as Parents
  help their children become who they really are
  support their children's creativity and originality
  are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
  are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
  are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele
The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

I was on the radio this morning...
It was fun, if not over a bit quick.
It was part of a coffee morning type show on BBC Radio Manchester... we just chatted about stuff in the news... funny how it managed to turn into me talking about the naked callendar I took photos for, and the fact i used to live near a quarry... oh and that I am going out with a Maccam, and Geordies are supposed to be the most generous boyfriends spending on average £719 a year on their partners... lol

I JUST NEED A DECENT NIGHTS SLEEP :(
Last night I was up and down with lady problems... :(

Anyway.... as I was driving back from work today I was remember a conversation i had with john the other night, and it's one I'd touched on with my students a few weeks ago...

When I perform I get really nervous, like I feel sick. I enjoy being on stage when I'm on there, but as soon as I come off it's gone, nothing afterwards, and I can't remember what I felt while out there.

I was telling my students this... and they said. "So why do you do it?"

And I was stumped.

I don't know! I really don't know.
Maybe it's just a way of life or something.

John picked up on this conversation last night, asking if there was anything i wanted to do in life that thrilled me... he suggested jumping out of planes etc...
My response again to that was a massive NO! Again, this doesn't thrill me or excite me, it only terrifies me!
Even the one rollercoaster I went on was terrifying! No part of it was exciting.... there's nothing about the real possibility of dying that I find thrilling!

Me friend jer once asked if I liked Rollercoasters, asuming the answer would be 'yes'. But she was surprised. Her theory being that all performers are adrenaline junkies. I can totally see her point... but I can't stand adrenaline. If it filled my body with a buzzing excitement, then that would be great, as I'm sure it does for some/most people... but all I get is sick, sick and irritable.

I've conciously tried to change it recently... to see if I can get more out of my performing experiences... but then I end up just getting stressed because I forget to do things if I'm too relaxed....

If anything, the only times I can think I get a 'buzz' or a 'thrill' is from teaching, that moment when you know you've helped someone to understand something... i love it...

So.. yeah... why do I perform?

I don't know.

I just do.

The quest for a good nights sleep continues.... tonight I dreamt my car got stolen at a school I was teaching at... then a plane crashed in the lake next to it, I was staying there by this point with John due to no car... we watched the waves hit the car park and I commented that I was now pleased that my car wasn't there...
Then we went to help people off the plane and everyone was dead with no eyes!
Then I started running away.... and all I could think was I didn't want to dream a horror movie... and then john woke me up...
ugh

ARGH!

I CAN'T SLEEP!
The match tonight was OK, but Chris reffed it poorly. And then chatted up one of my students afterwards, which just pissed me off no end... and I am assuming it went well as he's not responded to any of my texts or the messages on the forum saying that we needed to discuss his reffing...
whatever.
Now I've worked myself into a massive stress about the whole thing.. it's 7.30am now, I'm cold and tired... and I woke up 2 hours ago!
I am so tempted not to go to workshop tomorrow... only thing that's changing my mind is that we have a show tomorrow night AND I don't want Chris to be teaching people!
Which is all very harsh to be honest... but I'm tired. And annoyed.

No nightmares last night but I did wake up weirdly in the middle of night, I'm not sure why... maybe I was verging on a nightmare and my body projected me out of it or something...

anyway... ComedySportz tonight AND tomorrow night!
Sean Mason's first match tonight... in front of loads of his friends it seems... lol.. and my students and fellow staff members... little nervous...

BRON
x

Another bloody nightmare last night!
Horrible! This time people were trying to stab me with scalpels and then John was trying to stab me with a pair of scissors! It was horrible... as with the night before I felt every stab and mark, and the fear of course...
god
horrible.

What a HORRIBLE night!
Woke up twice last night from two nightmares about the same thing... my fear of needles!
I'm not going to go into it cos it was horrible.
The second time I woke up I just burst into tears, it was soo horrible, and brought back a lot of feelings from when i was little.
My eyes were stinging and red and then I realised it was nearly time to get up!
So when I got home from work I had to have a couple of hours sleep....
ugh, what a horrible night.
kudos to John though who comforted me all through it.

Wow, what a weird day.... but first, what a great day yesterday!
After all my stressing (so what's new?) about a seminar i was to talk at, it went great! I took Chris, john and Sean and we did a couple of examples of improv. Then I talked about Teaching Improv... and I really enjoyed it! And all the other people's talks about musical improv. It was fascinating!
My brain was buzzing all night.
After that I went to Chris's for some pizza and Binx cuddling and then on to Mirth on Monday to watch John playing Danny... i walked in just as he was about to go on - and he was fantastic.
Slaughter House Live was also on that night and I had a chat with them, also saved the show a little by nipping home and grabbing one of my mics, as they needed two.

Anyway... today...
I met Welch in town after work, and me, her, her mum and sister all went around looking at wedding dresses for her!
It was like I was in an alternate universe! A whole new world I'd never seen before!
Crazy.
She looked gorgeous in pretty much everything! She even talked about maybe coming to the states with me next summer which would be FANTASTIC! I bet she still has a few dollars knocking around ;)

That was good fun.

I was supposed to be editing some work the other day but I couldnt' find the tape I needed so I did this instead... one of a series of 5 ;)
Where are they Now? - The Milky Bar Kid

Add to My Profile More Videos

Not enough updating really is there... I've been burried under yet more stuff... although granted, I'm able to take everything at a much slower pace again.

Currently looking for a missing tape :-/ I'm supposd to edit what's on it asap... eek... I'm sure it's in a safe place.

Am currently taping off Dracula Spectacular... the WORST CYT show ever... not due to the kids... but just, well, everyone and thing else... *sigh* makes my heart hurt to see how scared some of those kids were on the stage... anyway....

Am trying to get the flat in a bit more of an order... John had a bad gig last night and I want it to feel nice and cosy for him.

His birthday was nice :) He wore his new sexy shirt and got lots of Dr Who excitement.. I even watched an ep in bed with him last night... well kind of, I think I fell asleep ;)

I have spent all day pretty much just doing work of one description or another!

And now it's after 9pm... and I'm at a bit of a loss...

John is at a gig and no one I know is online.. :(

My bakc hurts from sitting here all day but it seems more interesting that the living room... I may have another go at getting a top score on tetris...

I have a spot inside my nose!!

that is all

just realised it'd been ages since I blogged!
I've been soooo busy.. it's just calming down.
Just completed the CSzUK corporate video... so Chris should be getting on top of all that soon... finally ;)

Got a couple more school bookings this week - from NEW SCHOOLS! Rock!
And work's been good and busy... am supervising some third year work, so I'm excited about that :D
am toying with the idea of getting a proper agent... I mean, I have a healthy workload but I can always do more.. who knows.. I may even get famous ;)
I bought 2 new pairs of glasses today. Went to Specsavers ... much as it pains me to write this... I really, initially, SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS!
They were cheaper and so much nicer and more explanatory to me than Vision Express. And of course, two for one... so now I have 4 pairs (one with reactor lights) so I wont get caught out when I forget them any more! (cos I keep doing that... I've only been wearing them for 6 months... I STILL forget to put them on in the morning).
They also told me something that Vision Express didn't... but that i WAS told years ago in the States. I have Astigmatism:

It is a defect of the eye, where vision is blurred
by an irregularly shaped cornea. The cornea,
instead of being shaped like a sphere, is ellipsoidal (like an egg) and reduces
the cornea's ability to focus light. Astigmatism is a refractive error of the eye in which there is a
difference in degree of refraction in different
meridians (i.e., the eye has different focal points in different planes.) For
example, the image may be clearly focused on the retina in the horizontal
(sagittal) plane, but not in front of the retina in the vertical (tangential)
plane. Astigmatism causes difficulties in seeing fine detail, and in some cases
vertical lines (e.g., walls) may appear to the patient to be leaning over. The
effects of astigmatism of the eye can often be corrected by prosthetic lenses
with a cylindrical lens (i.e. a lens that has
different radii of curvature in different planes), contact lenses, or refractive surgery.

So there.
They tried to correct it when I lived in the states, but when I moved back my optician took it out of my prescription.
Now it's back, and I can see clearer than ever.... only I always have to wear my specs.
Which I don't mind too much if I'm honest... they suggested contact lenses... maybe in the future but not right now.
I played my first match with my glasses the other week and it was OK... but I'm not sure I'd want to play in them all the time, so that may be when I get contacts.

Anyway, that's enough from me I think.